Is Ricky Gervais Right? No One Cares – Fuck Off!

Note: I really feel like re-writing this post to make it funny and less of a whine. But there are a couple reasons why I am not going to do that.

1/ I have hidden behind a mask of friendly happiness as long as I can remember. In fact, if it wasn’t for all this mandate bullshit, I’d still believe that was truly who I was. Now, I am not so sure.

2/ No one actually reads this blog. Still, I feel strongly that I was meant to write it – just in case one person who needs to see it, does. Therefore, it is not a good idea to hide behind only happy posts. I have no idea what will help them the most.

To this end, I have also recently posted something I wrote on a very difficult night in February: Rage in a Cage: Another Saturday Night in Purgatory

This morning I woke up to a couple texts from friends

One was from my oldest friend and I politely answered it. Our friendship has been shaken over the vaccination mandate issue as we found ourselves on opposite sides. I don’t know that we will ever be as close as we once were. It certainly doesn’t feel like it to me right now. When I got my part time job, she came over with a really nice gift and card.

For some reason, this made me uncomfortable and later I realized that she must feel guilty. Maybe she was one of the ones going around saying that unvaccinated people should be fired from their jobs. When I did get fired, she was shocked. I think she saw that it really doesn’t benefit society much as I now can’t spend money on stuff in town the way I used to and next year I probably won’t pay many taxes, either. That’s the great thing about making fuck-all!

Or maybe she was just being kind and generous. I really don’t know anymore.

I am so lost

The other text is from a newer friend, asking me to go for a drink tomorrow night because one of the mandates against vaccinated people is being lifted.

I am afraid my attitude is not good. Not good at all.

Here I will admit something shameful

I am guilty of being one of those people who thought that Black people should “just get over it” when talking about slavery and the injustices done because it happened so long ago. I had no idea of how the hurt, the resentment, and the anger at the way they have been treated might feel to the descendants. How difficult, if not impossible, it is to heal until everyone realizes the total cruelty and wrongs that Black people suffered – and continue to suffer – for no reason whatsoever! It was an ignorant attitude and I am sorry for having had it.

This is a similar attitude that many people have towards First Nations peoples everywhere. Ironically, I am aware and sensitive to these cruel treatments, being a descendant and having my own family history to teach me. My privilege must have blinded me to any but my own suffering.

So now I ask that you please forgive me.

A Very Small Idea of How it Feels

My own little taste of prejudice and cruelty is bitter and permeates everything in my life. Joyous things feel false and I don’t seem to experience happiness anymore. Sarcasm, sometimes called veiled anger, is the only thing I laugh at wholeheartedly these days. I have a kind of chip on my shoulder. I want others to acknowledge my pain and to feel what I feel.

I know this is unrealistic and they will say it is my fault and I should just “get over it.”

So I avoid people and I avoid society in general

I have so many excuses at the ready for the mandate lift tomorrow. Do I want to spend money in a place that barred me from entry the day before? Not really, no. Do I want to see friends that left me out for months as if I had died? Not really, no.

I hurt. I am shaken that every level of government shunned and excluded me as if I didn’t matter, that my bodily autonomy could be cast aside like it meant nothing, and that I was fired only for sticking up for myself. And shocked more still that none of my friends sees what an outrage this is. What a violation it is to me, personally.

Ricky Gervais, of all people, makes me laugh when he says, “No one cares. Fuck off.” He is absolutely right.

This is me, fucking off

Apparently, many of us who decided against vaccination are feeling similarly. I read a piece in Organic Consumers Association (https://www.organicconsumers.org/blog) from Tessa Lena this morning:

“How do I feel? Oh hooray, I guess. Our masters are merciful and occasionally generous. They ‘gave us our freedoms back.’ Hooray. They’ve managed to turn basic independent existence into a privilege to be earned. Hooray.

So if you really want to know how I feel, I feel numb and annoyed. I feel like a collective rape has occurred, and the rapist has put on his trousers and left. And here we are.”

Two Weeks to Flatten Freedom and Dignity (Find more of Tessa’s writing and music at https://tessafightsrobots.com/)

Forgive me if I don’t run right out and join you at your table in the pub

I am kind of used to staying angry here at home, blasting NIN, and getting drunk alone.

OK, so I’ve moved a bit past that lately and have taken to watching Russell Brand opining on YouTube (he makes more and more sense to me every day) and planning for the end of the world.

The point is: I am not sure I like you anymore. You were not there when I needed you – in fact, you not only abandoned me, you called me names and said nasty things to me on Facebook. You made fun of my intellect when it was you who refused to do any meaningful research. You labelled and branded everyone who had a different opinion and scorned us with your demeaning and elitist attitude. All you did was parrot mainstream media – even when I told you that the government was paying them to say what they said. (Media Propaganda is Just Bad News)

I shared what I’d learned about the research, science and funding behind the vaccines

But you didn’t want to read it let alone discuss it because you didn’t really want to know. (SPIT OUT THE BLUE PILL: How Big Pharma Funds Research & Nearly Everyone Except You is Making Money Off It, Big Pharma Pays for the Science & They Don’t Care if You Live or Die, Trust Science & Medicine? Not Always and Never Blindly)

Still I did not give in, despite demonization, ostracization, and finally termination. All while you guys went out for drinks or planned trips to Mexico.

The Prime Minister can call me whatever he wants

I know the truth. (My thoughts on JT here: Putting the Worst Swear Word in the World to Good Use.)

The PM, my country and province’s governments, my city’s leaders, the public healthcare system, the Board of Directors at the place I used to work? All bullies. Forcing me to either capitulate to a hastily implemented policy or lose my job is bullying.

By not allowing me to express a dissenting opinion without being punished or banished, I am now suspicious and wary of all levels of government, public “health”, and social and mainstream media. Like someone abused, I have zero trust and am easily triggered.

Hey, Listen

I can’t go to a restaurant or pub tomorrow because I work every Friday and Saturday night at a part time job, just like a kid. And because it doesn’t pay well, I can’t really afford to waste money on drinks in a bar, yeah? I was FIRED from my full time, good paying job for refusing to be vaccinated. Remember?

The local theatre, symphony, and alternative music venues should stop sending me emails because I am not in a position or mood to support them anymore. I won’t be helping out any volunteer organizations either since I’m still not allowed in any of our city buildings. In fact, the city has been a real bandwagon hopper and maintains a link that encourages its citizens to “Report a Large Gathering.” Turn those bastard neighbours in for not following the Gestapo’s rules!

Here’s another thing

I may be “lucky” that the government is going to start “allowing” me to spend my hard earned money in a restaurant, to go to yoga or the theatre, but I am not allowed to leave the country, am I? No planes, no trains, no automobile border crossing are open to me. Stuck here in this pseudo-free country just as much as anyone in Red Russia ever was.

But only the unvaccinated remember this and suffer to listen as everyone else whines about having to stay an extra week in Hawaii due to a positive test.

What I think about

How real are friends that don’t stand by you when you need them? Why didn’t my friends suggest meeting at a coffee shop after a walk instead of making plans in front of me to go somewhere I couldn’t? Why didn’t they host a dinner gathering or social night at their house and include me? Perhaps I expect too much from mere friendships and most of my friends are for good times only. I tell myself that it’s best to find out how solid your friendships are before shit gets truly real. I believe I’ll let the good times roll on without me.

This is true of my parents as well

Having them avoid seeing me and not wanting me to visit was understandable, given their age and the fact that they only watch the propagandist TV station of the liberal elites. I get it.

Never Good Enough

Looks like my old abandonment wound has finally overtaken my entire life. From my country on down to my intimate partnership, I am truly abandoned to my fate. Perhaps it was inevitable.

I really hope that my anger and resentment will lessen in time. Otherwise I will end up not only alone but embittered as well. What a cliché!

Maybe it’s already too late. After all, I’ve had two years to practice my resting bitch-face.

Like Ricky says – no one cares, fuck off.